RAISING HIM STRONG.
These days kids are the way smarter than us. One of the kid among them is my boy Sanjive. I write this blog to share the feelings and the happiness of a mom in raising her kid. Raising the kids is a long journey, and each stage is like a stopping. We get down, dance , enjoy, learn , cry , shout. Lot of emotions and situations we face and then again all aboard to get into the next stage of the journey with new hopes and confidence and it goes on. If the journey need to be interesting and informative, keep your eyes and ears open. Listening and talking to the kids is very important thing we need to follow. In this blog , I share my journey and the stoppings, I had with Sanjive, my lovable boy. Days fly by, He is going to be 7 years old this October. Sanjive was a very naughty and mischievous boy which was unimaginable till he was six.When I write this I get reminded of his hit by a wooden chappathi rolling pin on my center head ;) while he was 1 year 6 months. I struggled with the pain for a week. But , I was happy that I was raising him strong ;).
The journey with him was little tough to manage , but I truly enjoyed. He started his playschool in India. That was Vijayadasmi, 06 Oct 2011, It's his 2nd birthday as well. The first time , he was going in a Mini Omni Van with other kids, without me. I was terrified but he got into the van with great enthusiasm. Sasi and me decided to go to his school without his knowledge. We followed the van in our bike. The van stopped in the school , The first to jump from the van was my little naughty sweet. A woman came at the entrance and helped the kids to remove their shoes. Sanju talked something to her. She also laughed and responded something to him. I was wondering , even sometimes I don't understand his talks and I was curious to know what he talked to that lady. Till now it was mysterious... ;).
We were still standing under a tree and I couldn't take my eyes away from my little champ. Within ten minutes the entrance was busy with other parents dropping their kids. I see only one girl of Sanju's age , without crying and all other kids were totally unhappy to leave their parents. They cry , shout and scream. My Sanjive stood at the door happily and was welcoming all the kids. He said in his kiddish words "Cam on ...Cam on ..". The crying kids were stunned for a minute seeing him and again continued weeping. I was proud and happy and that gave a big smile on my face.
On the way home , I was talking to Sasi about his act in school.
In the annual day function , dance for play group. It is the team of 10 students including him. When most of the kids were crying, some were scared and stunned of the stage. But what a surprise , he is the only one dancing. His movements were really a treat to eyes. The next day , I found a dance master and put him in a dance class. He picked up dance like a fire.
After his play school , He went to a play school (Day care) in US. He struggled to cope up with the language, But he picked up the language very soon than I thought. Time flew like a blink of an eye. Now back to India when he was 4 years and 6 months. I put him in LKG in the same school, he remembered the school and the teachers. The teachers were also happy that he was back. I somehow made him to cope up with his lessons because already half of the lessons been covered , Yes we joined late. It was really hard , but he was way ahead. Though , I am his mom , he was all raised by his grand parents. Nobody can handle him as my dad does. Next UKG , in another school. Learning lessons , playing with him , his baby sister. It was awesome being in India for 1 year and 6 months.
I HATED COLORS
Again back to US , he joined in Kinder garden here. The problem started here. He couldn't adapt to the changes as we do. Language , new faces , new place everything made him totally uncomfortable.
We were little worried about him. In school, for Kinder garden they categorize the behavior of the kids by colors. They give Green for Good , Purple and Pink for Extraordinary , Orange and yellow - for warning and Red indicates that the parents need to explain about the kids bad behavior. Sanjive will get green sometimes and most of the times Red , Orange and Yellow. At one point , Sasi and me got totally afraid of this situation , Though we didn't show him that we were concerned about colors , but actually we did. Twice I yelled at him , But it made even worse. When our toddler was throwing a tantrum and you feel like the whole world was staring at you , Just breathe. When your emotions take over , Just breathe. As a parent we need those slow ,deep breaths to calm us down , to remind us that this is just one moment in the book of life. I think it's hard to be a mom . There is no such thing as perfect parent , So just be a real one. So I made up my mind and told Sasi "Do not worry, I have the only one hope". Sasi looked at me with questions on his face. I just said "He is our boy" and continued "Give me some time". Next day I sent a note to his teacher mentioning about his weaknesses and his communication problems and gave them a hope that I am working on the issue. From that evening . I spend more time with him , I realized he liked to talk more and express himself. I talked and talked. The responses from him made me realize that he was listening to me. The days went by , No change ...I started hating red , yellow and orange colors though I like those.
MY STORY , MY MORAL
I told him many stories and asked the moral to him. He sometimes told the exact morals , sometimes surprised with the moral which I never ever thought, sometimes a blank look. Then One fine day , I told him , Now I will tell my family story. Sanjive asked with his eyes wide open, "Mommy .. Your story ?". I said "Yes Dear". Hugging him in the bed, I started "There was a Mom and Dad who had three daughters". Sanjive , the smart kid asked me "Are you talking about Thatha and Paati (Grand pa and Grand ma )". I gave a smile and said "Yes". He continued "Three sisters are You, Pavi Sitthi and Raji perima Right ??". I again gave a smile and nodded. I continued "We went to a very good school, but our dad didn't have that much money to put us in a good school, So he decided to put us in a different school". Sanju was a bit emotional. I said " Suddenly Miracle happened , the school principal thought, we were good behaving and smart kids, So she decided us to continue in that school for free". I told these stories daily once. A week passed, No changes. But Sanju kept saying to me that everything goes into his mind. I encouraged him then and there. One day I told "Sanju , You know what ?? as we three girls were smart and well behaved , we studied in a good school and now we are going to a job , earning and taking care of Grandpa and Grand ma in their old age". Sanju's eyes shrunk. I just didn't have any idea what he was thinking about. But , I didn't lose hope.
DO YOU BELIEVE MOMMY ??
The next day Sanju came from school with the sad face. I enquired him about that. He said in a sad face , whatever you said keep bothering my mind in school . That's the reason I am sad now. I was little shocked and came near him and said "What Mommy said ? Which one made u sad dear ?". The answer from him made me surprised. He said "Mommy , You said , you all take care of your dad and mom in old age, The same way like Grandma and Grand pa , will you and dad get old like them" and started weeping and continued "What am I supposed to do , Who will send me to school , Who will hug and kiss me and Who will feed me then , and even I don't know to cook on my own". I was laughing inside and thought for a moment and said looking into his eyes " If you are going to be a well behaved kid in school , Mommy and Daddy will be the happiest creatures in the world , If we are happy , we will be young always" and hugged him . Sanju with his sloppy teary eyes , looked at me and said "Is it true ?". I said "Do you believe Mommy? ". Sanju without any thought said "Yes". I smiled.
COLORFUL HAPPINESS
That emotion was the key for everything. It opened the lock and revealed who Sanjive actually was. The next day , I saw his school file. Wowww , It was purple glittering , my eyes could'nt believe. I just turned to see Sanju. He was seeing me with a big naughty smile and twinkled his eyes. I hugged him and kissed him and said "How could you do this?". He just said "Mommy and Daddy wants to be young". I can't explain my emotions in this part. Just hugged him with tears. He told "Don't cry Mommy , I also feel like crying". I said "No , No , this tears is because of happiness". He wiped my tears and I said "Come on , Ice cream ? " and twinkled. He shouted happily and kissed me. I realized how important to talk to our kids , Only then we realize what actually they are.
I CAN'T CUT IT.
There are funny parts as well, I don't remember everything we laughed at. But being with him , I really enjoyed and laughed out loud like a kid. That morning I was applying egg white for my hair. He noticed that and asked me what I am doing. I explained that egg white is full of protein which makes our hair strong and grow. Sanju raised his eyebrows and said "Oh ...". I said "Come near me , I will apply for you as well". Sanju ran freaking out shouting "No , Mommy , If my hair becomes strong , I can't cut it.. It will grow long". I was laughing and laughing.
IT IS GOOD , BUT CAN BE EVEN BETTER.
Sanju has a very good attitude which now a days most men doesn't have ;) . It is none other than appreciating others. He appreciates the good things. Even if he doesn't like , he will say "It is very good Mommy , but can be even better". The way he tells those and considering others feelings and not to hurt them makes me wonder what a kid he is. One day I gave chapathi and Dal for dinner. He usually says "It was very yummy, Only you can do this..tasty Mommy". But he silently was eating the dinner. He was tired. I asked with the sad face , "Sanju, You didn't tell me how the food is ". Sanju can't tolerate my sad face and said "No , No.. don't be sad , Did I ever tell u that the food is bad" and smiled. I laughed inside and the way he answered proved me that he was growing day by day.
DREAM CHANGED IN A BETTER WAY
Sanjive's dream was to become a police officer since he was two years. Ten days before , there was a homework in his school file. In that there was a column stating "I want to become..............". He was doing that , I was sitting beside him and was watching him closely. He wrote "Doctor" in the space. I was surprised and asked him "Every time you used to tell me that you are going to be a policeman and get all the bad guys, What happened now? , You are writing to become a doctor ? Why ?". He said "Mommy , In India I was watching TV, In that the policeman chases a bad guy, But the bad guy shoots the policeman and he was dead. I just don't want to be killed by a bad guy". Though there is something serious here . I started laughing. Sasi interfered and said "Sanju , doctor is also a good profession who save lives. So , Go always by your heart". Sanju never likes people laughing at him. He will be tensed and angry if somebody mocks at him and that includes me as well. But that time he laughed with me. I felt something keep changing all the time inside him , But in a better way.
DID YOU CRY LIKE ME MOMMY ??
One more incident. Sanjive accidently peed in his pants. He cried and cried. I hugged him and said "Do not cry , It happens for every kid once or twice in their life. Even mommy did that". He saw me with teary eyes and said "So , did you cry like me mommy ?". When he asked that, I felt like crying but controlled myself and said "I was about to cry , but my mom said the same words to me as I said to you". He hugged me tight. After months passed the same incident happened again when I was with him and I said "Don't feel bad. It happens for all the kids". Sanjive was not crying that time , He confidently said "I don't feel bad as you are my mom". I smiled and patted on his head.
THE LOVE THE WAY I AM
I applied an ointment on his face as it was prescribed by the skin doctor for dry skin. Sanjive told Sasi " Daddy , If the cream which mom applies makes me fair and golden , I don't need that because I want to be me and I love the way I am". Sasi told me that he said so . I was so proud because the same lines been told by me to him whenever he felt that he was not golden like me.
THE RULE RULING US
In our family, We have one thing called "The Family Rule". The rule is "People in the family should listen to each other and should not raise their voice and no rude talks. if someone does that , the others in the family will say "The family rule". The next moment the person should say "sorry , I will behave". This would apply for everyone. I have asked many sorries till now . The sorries been get much reduced now a days because of our family rule. That always makes you remind that we should behave good when we knowingly or unknowingly loses our temper. If we set guide lines or rules , First we should follow that.
I AM HIS FRIEND , BUT NOT ALL TIMES
Over - nurture or pampering won't help for raising well behaved kids. Be strict when you need to be. If your child need to behave well , all we need to do is to change our self. We just need to watch closely our actions, what we are doing and talking. This will help us to figure out what and how we need to change to raise a well behaved and a super kid. Our Yeses and no's should be appropriate. Sometimes I am a friend to him , But not all times :).
While dinner , I was serving Dosa for the kids , The oil bottle cap accidently fell on the dosa plate . Sanju smiled and said "Do not put bottle cap on dosa plate .. Family Rule". I started laughing. He too joined me and the little girl also laughed without knowing the reason.
WHAT ABOUT THE PILOT ?
Another incident which made me little more emotional. I was seeing a video in face book. Sanju also peeked his head and saw that video. He was terrified on seeing the video. It was a flight accident which blasts falling from the sky and also showed how the passengers been rescued separately when the engine failed. While the engine failed , the passengers portion got detached from the plane and in a parachute , it safely landed on the ground or water. He was convinced only when the people in the plane are safe. But still he was sad and asked , "I am happy that every passengers been rescued , but what about the pilot?". I really wondered how he thinks and how he cares for everyone. I said "Pilot will set time for detaching and will run to the passengers area, so that they will also be rescued". Awww That time I saw the real happiness in his face and in my heart .
I ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT
One day Sasi and kids were playing in the bed. I just entered the room and said in a sad tone "I am left alone" and added " Nobody here to love me and play with me". Sanju without a thought ran to me and hugged me and said "Don't ever say that , I am always there for you , I always loves you no matter what". That was really an unexpected response. He is not only like this with me. In his school , his teachers says he will never leave anyone alone and he is a great helper too.
GIRLS FIRST , BOYS NEXT
When I went to vacation to India , we were watching TV , Suddenly in a scene , A guy slaps a lady hard. Sanjive's face became serious. I understood the situation and switched off the TV and turned to Sanjive and asked "Is that right ? ". Sanju said "Oh my god ! Never , Mommy! You always say people should not hit or hurt others , especially boys should never raise their hands on girls". I was nodding my head and listening. He raised his eyebrows and continued "You remember when I was in UKG , You will come and drop me at the bus stop , while entering the bus , I will never allow others first , But you said boys always should allow girls first. Even now I follow that in school". I was taken back with his words. We think these kids are playful when they are 4 or 5 and they don't listen. But , when we keep on insisting some things, and we our selves too live by that , Every single thing of ours is going inside them. He making me proud day by day that I am raising very beautiful kid inside out.
A NAUGHTY CALF , THE RESPONSIBLE BRO
When I went to pick up Sanju from the apartment entrance, Shrinika ran to Sanju shouting. Sanju was terrified of a car thinking that it comes towards them. But it went other way. He held her hands tight and said in a polite tone "I don't want you to be hurt . I want you to be safe. Never ever run to me like that . You should hold Mommy's hands or my hand . Okay ?? ". She too nodded and said "Okay Sanju" as if she understood everything. But who knows , she may. I was all the time smiling seeing the beautiful scene. I thought "Oh my Sanju , Is this the kid who was running like a calf without knowing dangers 2 years back? ".
WE TEACH AND WE LEARN
In Vacation in India , we went to Tirupathi , After Dharshan , as my mom walked slowly due to leg pain, Sasi, myself and my father hurried to the stairs to get some stuffs. Sanju accompanied me , Suddenly he left my hand and ran down and came with his grand ma talking to her. I asked "What happened?". He raised his shoulders and said in a cool tone "I don't want to leave Grand ma alone".
He continued "Mom ! Never ever raise your voice to your mom". Yes , unknowingly I raised my voice to my mom for not putting the tablet on time. I explained him the situation , but he was not convinced . Finally I said sorry for the way I behaved. We teach and we learn.
THE LOVABLE FUTURE DOCTOR
On the way , My mom struggled out of leg pain. We stopped the car and bought medicine , Sanju was much worried and convinced her that medical shop is somewhere near and we could buy as quick as possible. After applying the medicine , she started talking to everyone in the car normally. Sanju said "One second , Sorry for interrupting". We stopped talking. He asked "Grandma , Is your leg pain alright ?". Grand ma said "Yes da Kanna". I kissed him on his fore head, He smiled.
In home , Mom made breakfast and it was little late. As kids were hungry , his uncle went to a restaurant and got some food. On seeing that , Sanju murmured to me "Grandma struggled to do breakfast , I don't want to eat the hotel food". I was wondering how he can think like this at this age ? Today , I accidently poured the hot water in one my finger. It was burning. Sanju hurried with wet tissue. he made it like a band aid and said "This will help". Oh my god ! What a life! If someone to show this much love? Worries ..No never.
JUST FEEL AND ENJOY
There are few things which I strictly follow for him are , Maintaining secrets, It helped him to build confidence and believing. Whatever he tells as secret , I won't reveal to anyone. I hope , I didn't reveal any of his secrets in this blog ;). I keep promises . When I promise , I take it seriously. I always explain him about the value of promise. Hope one day he will show up with a very good outcome for those values been thought to him. As a parent , we give our kids a good start in life . We nurture , we protect and guide them. To me , parenting is a process that prepares our child for independence. Doing their work on their own , tie up their shoes , setting up table , dressing up themselves , cleaning up their room and even thinking on their own. Let them be independent. There are many many things we see daily like these . Just feel and enjoy. The Journey doesn't end here. Lots of fun and learning are awaiting for us .Its just a stopping , But the Journey CONTINUES..
